July 29, 2010

I have often talked through out this blog about how much waiting I have to do when I go to Seattle for treatments. I have to wait up to an hour to see the oncologist and then I go upstairs and wait for almost as long to get a chair in the chemo ward. I see lots of people with cancer and I don't think I have ever seen the same person twice. There are so many people with cancer in this world. I look around the doctor's waiting room and then I look around the chemo waiting room and I see many many people willing to put poison into their bodies in order to live as long as possible. These are people who see value in life. I have talked with a few people about this and I have spent a very long time thinking about it. Ketchikan and Prince of Wales have had a rash of suicides in the last two years. It doesn't matter if the person is young or old everyone feels the sadness over the death. I have thought a lot about this. And frankly, after going through cancer treatments and seeing so many other people going through cancer treatments, I am just feeling really ticked off at people who destroy a healthy body. I know the mind isn't healthy but I am still mad about it. I mentioned to my sister-in-law Rhonda that I know there is a story in all of this somewhere. I just don't know what it would be. When I say 'story' I am referring to a book. It could be based on science fiction or a philosophical book or a non-fiction drama or even a fictional drama. I keep thinking there is a story there.

I think I have been dwelling on this because in two days I leave for Seattle to start my Rituxan maintenance treatments. It is two years of treatments if my body can handle that much antibody. I will see many people working hard to stay alive and I can love and appreciate their hard work and dedication to their family, friends, and self. A co-worker asked me this week if I spent a lot of time depressed because of the cancer. I told her sometimes but most of the time I just feel really thankful for every day I have with my family and that I am feeling good.

I am also going to see a cardiologist when I am in Seattle. I need to do some stress tests on the treadmill. The tests take around 4 hours. I sure hope I am not running most of that time. I am not worried about it at all. It is just for precautionary measures. The one bad thing about the heart appointment is that I can't have any amount of caffeine 24 hours before the appointment. That means no decaff coffee, tea or chocolate, huge bummer.

My family went to the Karta River last week and camped for two days. It was fun and relaxing. We cooked picnic food in the fire and drank hot chocolate and cider the entire time. I took naps during the day and read Janet Evanovich books, my kind of vacation. Here are a few pictures of the family on the trip. We stayed in a Forest Service cabin and Kevin/Bryan spent a lot of time fishing. Noah and his friend, Alex spend most of their time in front of the fire melting poles made of iron. It was a good time all around.

Thanks for reading.

July 10, 2010

Rituxan, that is what I will be doing every other month for the next two years. Rituxan is a man-made antibody that keeps cancer from spreading. I have been doing Rituxan along with the chemo the last several months. The long term side effects run the spectrum. Some people are very ill with it and others have few or no side effects. This drug does lower the blood platelets so I have to be careful to keep germs away since my body won't be as strong to fight infection. Dr. Kaplan told me though that this risk is minimal.

It has taken me awhile to process this new information. I was feeling depressed last weekend but after spending last Saturday dealing with my feelings I am better. I cried a good part of the day. Then I knew it was time to move on and make the best of the situation. Two years seems like a long time to me. I think that is what I find the most overwhelming. Every other month I need to travel to Ketchikan or Seattle for treatment. That is a lot for a person who loves to stay home. I am going to try Ketchikan for treatment and see how it goes. I am a bit nervous about putting another doctor on my team. I have read the research and the more medical providers involved with a person is not a really good thing. Medical providers do not communicate well with each other. I don't want to give up Dr. Kaplan since he is a Lymphoma specialist and knows what he is doing but I don't want to fly to Seattle 6 times a year. I am going to alternate my treatments between Ketchikan and Seattle and if I decide I don't like it then I will drop Ketchikan and just bite the bullet about flying to Seattle all the time.

Rituxan is a one day treatment. The IV drip itself will take approximately 4 hours. The rest of the day will be spent waiting for my doctor's appointment and then waiting to get called in to do the drip. I don't know how this will go in Ketchikan but in Seattle there is a lot of waiting.
I am thinking of buying a very simple laptop that will allow me to watch DVDs' and get on-line.
Both of those things should help pass the time.

I am thinking of starting some kind of support group for people with cancer. I have really enjoyed talking to people on Prince of Wales who have or had cancer. We all know exactly what we are talking about and if one talks about possible death no one says 'oh, you will be fine.' Those of us who live with cancer know that 'fine' is not always the end result. It is easier to be open about our side effects, treatments, fears, and even happy moments. I will pray about this.

Here is another picture from the party weekend. I look at these pictures often because the weekend was so much fun. In this picture we were pretending to show off our 'cleavage' since the infamous black dress has a low neckline.
Thanks for reading.