May 08, 2010

A beautiful sunny day, perfect for the opening day of baseball season. I will spend a good part of my day with baseball and I am looking forward to the excitement. Both Noah and Bryan are on the same team again and both are looking good in their skills. Dylan will be a base coach. He has already threatened his little brothers with calling them out if they don't fetch his food and drink while he is lying on the couch. The little brothers are smart enough not to believe him.

I have felt good all week. The nausea is finally gone and I have a better outlook on the day to day events in my life. I have had only one other lost dream but it was different this time. When I woke up from the dream I cried because I am so thankful for my family and friends who have held my hand through out this illness. In the dream I was lost either under a house or in the woods (I could never tell which). It was dark and I knew where I was but I needed help and I knew people were looking for me. Every so often I would see a hand come through the branches or foundation and reach out for me. Behind the hand there was always lots of light. I knew that hand belonged to someone trying to find me. When I woke up I knew that hand represented everyone who had given me a hug, words of kindness, gifts, traveled with me or in some way let me know I was in their thoughts and prayers. I tear up thinking about it now. I don't know how people go through illness alone. I would bet research would show that those surrounded by loved ones live longer than those who have to go it alone. Thank you everyone for loving me. I can never express in words how much I appreciate everyone's kindness.

I have even felt well enough this week to begin my research on my choices in the next steps of my treatment plan. I have three choices. The first is to do nothing and wait until I have symptoms of the cancer returning before I begin another treatment. The second choice it to continue my Rituxan treatment. Rituxan is supposed to stop the cancer from spreading. It is a two year plan with treatments every three months. The third choice is between two drugs called Zevalin and Bexxar. Both of these drugs are a type of radio-immunology. It is a week long treatment with IVs' and body scans. It is radiation being sent through your body through the IV and killing any cancer that may be in the body. It is tough on your body. I don't know at this point what may be the best course of action for me. Every choice has its pros and cons. I will talk to Dr. Kaplan more about my choices on my next visit. He has not recommended one choice over the other yet. It gets overwhelming to read and try to decipher all the medical jargon around these choices. I don't have to decide any time soon. The choices that require action would not begin until August or September.

Today I am going to enjoy my boys playing baseball and am looking forward to Mother's Day. I don't plan to do any household chores tomorrow.

I leave Monday for my last round of chemo, yeah! My friend, Tina will join me (thanks Tina). I am looking forward to being done.

Thanks for reading.