March 12th, 2010

I am in a funk. I have been in one all week. I am finding people annoying. I am not sure if it is the dark weather, the upcoming third chemo treatment, or what. It probably is a combination of things.

Today is Noah's birthday (my middle child) and he is in Ketchikan for a middle school band fest. I would like him home for his birthday. I miss my kids when they are not around.

I am not looking forward to my third chemo treatment. Chemo is my current best friend and I need to keep a good attitude about that. Chemo will help me live longer. I love chemo, I love chemo, I love chemo. I need to say that a few more times during the weekend so I can feel some thankfulness about leaving my family (again) to go get my medicine.

I am looking forward to spending some quiet time at the hotel. I love laying in bed and watching TV. I consider that to be very decadent behavior. I can watch 'girl' things and no one will complain. There, I feel better already; focusing on fun things.

A friend of mine (thanks Kelly) sent me a gift certificate to Nordstrom. I am also looking forward to heading to their downtown department store and spending it. Maybe some new jammies?

After my two days of chemo I am flying further south to Palm Desert, Ca. I am looking forward to some time in the sun, a pedicure, and maybe a new haircut. I also get to spend time with my Dad. We can commiserate together the effects of chemo on our bodies.

I am tired tonight. I will take a long shower, drink some tea, and find a good book to read.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

Yummy, I just finished a big bowl of bananas and plain yogurt. I am joking about the 'yummy'. I never thought I would eat plain yogurt but chemo is starting to wreck havoc with my body and I need to compensate. In this case I am trying to rid myself of a yeast infection that has been bothering me for most of a month. I googled 'yeast infections and chemotherapy' and up popped several articles discussing the connection of the two things. I read on a health web site that plain yogurt full of probiotic cultures is a natural way to fight a yeast infection. As I told a few friends yesterday I have been eating plain yogurt like I own stock in the companies. And, I am happy to report that it seems to be working. I know I can get some over-the-counter medicine but I really want to limit the amount of chemicals in my body. Another benefit of eating yogurt is that I am actually starting to like yogurt without any added flavor-go figure.

I also have been dealing with over-dry lips. My mouth, nose, and eyes are not dry but my lips get so dry they burn. I tried different kinds of lip balm but nothing helped. Then I read an article about farmers in northern Minnesota-this is not a joke I am totally serious- using Bag Balm on the udders of their cows (in winter) to keep everything moist and soft. I thought 'Hey, maybe that will work for my lips!'. And, I am happy to report, it works. The first week after chemo I was waking up three times a night to burning lips. Now, I get up only once to put water and then Bag Balm or Vasaline on my lips. I discovered if I put water on my lips first and then the ointment my lips stay moist longer. I have to put Bag Balm on several times during the day. I see people looking at my mouth in a funny kind of way but it is better than the pain I was experiencing.

I made scones this weekend using Agave syrup and whole wheat flour. I also added raisins and pecans. I thought they were good but my 10 year old made up a small bowl of powered sugar and milk and then poured some over his scone. I am trying to get everyone to eat healthier but some of the family are coming along kicking and screaming.

thanks for reading.

March 4, 2010

2 Salmon oil tablets, 3 Enzyme tablets, 1 daily vitamin, 2 glucosamine tablets, 4 calcium + magnesium tablets, 1 iron tablet, 1 cholesterol tablet, and one weekly vitamin D tablet. This is my daily regiment. It doesn't include the every 4 hours anti-nausea tablet I take when I am going through my chemo regiment. Yuck. I remember the days when I didn't take any pills except for an occasional Tylenol. Now, between age and cancer, I have a list of pills to put into my body. I am sure there are a few more vitamins I could be taking but pill swallowing is not a strength of mine. I started out with motivation a month ago by putting all my pills into a weekly pill box. Then I went through my second chemo treatment and the last thing I wanted to do was put anything else into my system. Even thinking of swallowing pills made me nauseas. The other day I had a friend of mine, who is also a public health nurse, mention that salmon oil is an anti-inflammatory agent; those of us with cancer understand the importance of anything that is anti-inflammatory. Anti-inflammatory agents are a very good thing indeed in the fight against cancer. So I thought it was time to get back into taking all my pills. I started yesterday and am hoping for the best. I may have to stop again when I go through my next round of chemo but I don't want to wait so long to get back into the routine.

Yesterday I left work early because I wasn't feeling well. I thought I might be coming down with something. This is a scary thought since chemo wipes out my white blood cell count and my body would have a more difficult time fighting off infections/germs. I took a few Tylenol and spent the evening laying in bed watching a movie. This morning I woke up feeling fine. That was a relief. I worry about missing too much work and maybe not being able to get to my next chemo on time.

It is Thursday evening and I am looking forward to the weekend. I am going to try some sugar-free baked goods this weekend. We have blueberries left from this past summer so I will try some blueberry muffins.

thanks for reading

March 01, 2010

I am feeling good. I started feeling better last Thursday so it takes about a week for the chemo to work its way through my system and then start to dissapate. I am still ready for bed by 8pm but I feel better during the day. I am able to eat again without feeling overfull with only a few bites.

I had another Lymphic massage this past weekend and this time it did not make me sick. I made sure to drink plenty of fluids after the massage and I think this helped to work out any left over chemo effects. I love massage. The one bad thing about massage is that it has to end sometime.

In December of last year I joined a couple of Lymphoma websites. One site has daily email messages with people writing in on different subjects of Lymphoma, treatments, and life in general. One note was from a father who was writing to ask for help with his son. The son is 40 and just found that that his Lymphoma has returned. He was only in remission for 14 months. I have read the statistics and this is not unusual. It makes me think of my own someday remission and how long it will last. We all pray for a long remission and many people go years without a resurge of their cancer. What will happen to me? It would be easy to focus on the negative and wonder if I will be alive for my youngest son's high school graduation. It takes the same amount of energy to be positive and to picture myself holding my grandchildren. I vote on being positive. I usually do this very well. Sometime when I am driving by myself my eyes tear up and I get a bit overwhelmed. I tell my self to 'suck it up and think of something happy'. I have lots of things in my life that make me happy so thinking of something good is easy.
I have noticed that the more I exercise the more I stay positive; yeah for endorphins.

Many people have told me that I am looking good. I believe them. I have all of my hair, my skin color is good, and I feel good (for the most part). Thanks for all of your support.

The second day of chemo is so much easier. It is only 90 minutes from the time I sit in the chair until I can leave. I only do Bendamustine (the chemo) on the second day. The beginning routine is the same. I get a hot/wet towel wrapped around my arm and then the IV is inserted. One bag of anti-nausea and one bag of chemo and then I am out the door.

I am reading a soup magazine in this picture. I know a magazine about soups doesn't sound interesting but it really was fun to read about different steps to get different textures for your soups.





What was fun for this day was meeting up with my friend Tani S. who now lives in the Seattle area. Tani, Susan, and I met up for coffee at the Starbucks located next to the cancer center. We had a great time catching up with each other's families and careers/retirement. We were joined by Bob Weinstein (from Ketchikan) who happened to be walking by the coffee store while we were chit-chatting. It is not difficult to run into Ketchikan people in Seattle.








This chemo treatment has been harder on me. I have had a tough time keeping food/drink down even with my anti-nausea medication. I am hoping it will pass quickly. Last month I only took my anti-nausea medication for six days so I am hoping that is all (if not less days) I will have to be on it this month. I have to work hard to make sure I stay hydrated. I have been drinking herbal tea and it has helped some what. I am still walking my five miles most days and that has also helped. The longer I walk the better I feel.



I head back to Seattle March 15th for chemo on the 16th and 17th. I then get to fly to Palm Desert and hang out with my Dad until my family arrives on the 21st. We will then head to Arizona to see the Mariners play a spring training game and then off to the Grand Canyon.
I am looking forward to some warm sun and vacation time with family.

February 19th, 2010

I am back from my second round of chemo and this time everything went faster, yeah! I didn't have a reaction to the Rituxan this time so that took about 90 minutes off of my treatment time. And, as always, the best part of treatment is coming home to my family.

I had my friend, Susan, take pictures so people who are not familiar with the chemo experience can get an idea of what goes on.

There is a lot of waiting around in the world of cancer treatment. One patient may need more time with her/his oncologist or maybe more time is needed in the chemo chair. This means lots of magazine time, DVD watching, and other quiet activities while you are waiting your turn to see the oncologist and then waiting for the chemo treatment.

This is a picture of me waiting to see Dr. Kaplan, my oncologist. He was running late that day so we had to wait an hour to see him. I do have to mention that Dr. Kaplan sees like a very nice and caring man. We haven't really 'clicked' yet but I think we are getting there.

The next step is heading to the chemo center which is one floor up from the oncologist office. It was another hour of waiting and then I was taken into my room for my chemo treatment. Usually a person sits in a chair and does chemo but this time I had asked for a private room and the only one available had a bed and not a chair. This turned out to be a good thing because I was given Benedryl through the IV, as a standard procedure to help with any possible allergic reactions, and it put me right to sleep.


The first step in getting ready for chemo is having a very hot and wet towel put around your arm to help the veins stand out so the IV needle goes in easier. Many people who have cancer have what is called a port. This is a tube which is surgically placed in the body, usually the shoulder/chest area for blood to be taken out and chemo to be put in. The port stays in the entire cancer treatment and an IV is not needed. I don't have a port so I have to have an IV needle put in every time. This is okay with me.



Then the IV is put into my arm and the Rituxan (an antibody inhibitor-stops cancer from spreading) is started. The Rituxan takes about 4 hours to administer. After the Rituxan is finished I get an IV bag of anti-nausea medicine and then the chemo (Bendamustine) is started. The chemo itself only takes about a 45 minutes to administer.




Since we started the Rituxan at 5:30 pm we didn't leave the hospital until 10pm. We were tired and ready for bed. Here I am waving good-bye as I head out the door. The beautiful flowers are from my good friend, Mindy T. She brightened a very stark room with her pink roses in a tea cup. Thanks Mindy.

February 11th, 2010

I had a bad hair dream last night. I dreamed I walked past a bathroom and happen to glance in and see my reflection in the mirror above the sink. My hair was a mess. I went in to fix it and when I pulled some hair over to the other side I found a big bald patch. I thought, with a gasp, 'I am losing my hair'.

I think I am getting my self prepared for my second round of chemo. I have been thinking about it a lot this week. My good friend, Susan D., will be meeting me in Seattle and we will go through my second chemo round together. Susan lives in Denver and is apparently happy enought to spend money on a flight just to sit in a hospital for two days; a sign of a good friend.

I am trying to think of something fun to do. I need a 'fun thing' to look forward to when I go south for treatment. I am thinking Bellevue Mall and Nordstrom's would be fun. I don't usually spend money at Nordstrom's but I do enjoy walking through there and looking at the latest fashions. I also enjoy going to Costco and looking through all the books' and DVDs'. Any other suggestions? I fly in Monday, have treatment all day Tuesday and only a few hours on Wednesday and then I fly home early Thursday morning.

I got my blood work results back and everything looks good. I am still producing enough white blood cells to fight off infection so chemo won't be a problem.

I will be gone next week but hopefully I can post to my blog while in the hospital. I will see if Susan will take some pictures of me going through the process so everyone can get an idea of what chemo is all about. In my case it really isn't that bad.

Thanks for your support.